Regarding Akatsuki
by piranabo
Summary: Pein laments over what a strange and interesting organization he has.  no pairings, open to interpretation, oneshot


The Akatsuki base was small as to remain discrete from their enemies. So small that Pein, when designing it, had decided to make only five rooms to house the partners. Of course, at that time he had figured that his organization would have an even amount of males and females, and that they would get along fairly well. In every case, he was wrong.

The best working team, aside from himself and Konan, was Itachi and Kisame's. This came to Leader as a surprise. Their views on murder and mission execution were almost reversed: Itachi was a pacifist, whereas Kisame was a sadist. On top of that, Itachi seemed to have an odd tendency of irritating anyone who fought with him (Deidara, Sasuke, everyone in Konoha, Madara, etc.) Kisame also viewed loyalty very high, something Itachi had betrayed entirely. Still, they got along the best.

Pein had to admit that Zetsu and Tobi were next on the list. This was more expected than Itachi and Kisame's as Tobi was immature and almost child-like, and Zetsu was more experienced and knowledgeable. This he understood, yes, but, it was the concept of Madara that confused him. Madara and Zetsu-though Tobi's ruse was hardly ever off-worked together on a level that countered his and Konan's. Leader had figured that if Madara ever turned on them, he'd choose Zetsu as his follower.

Hidan and Kakuzu were not the worst, painful as it was for him to admit. They were better than the artists for many reasons. Primarily, they shared literally everything in common except for the knowledge that they shared everything in common. Both were sadistic, controlling, somewhat arrogant, psychotic, immortal, relied heavily on human hearts for their fighting, were ruthless, easily annoyed, and had joined the Akatsuki mostly for each other-Kakuzu in hopes of profitting of Hidan's religion, and Hidan to examine the former's immortality. While they fought the most outwardly, they probably caused Leader the least amount of trouble.

And then there were two. Artists. Sasori and Deidara neither had a lot in common as Hidan and Kakuzu nor were opposites as Itachi and Kisame. They had enough in common so that they could relate to each other, but enough different so that they could fight. Actually, above being artists, they barely had any in common. Sasori was impatient and more mature than Deidara, who, despite preferring short-lasting things, had a tremendous patience. And even in art, the one thing they shared, they fought. Pein could never understand how there could be more than one form of art, despite Konan's explaining.

Returning to the subject of architecture, each of the teams had one room with two beds-a feature Leader was glad he sprang for-and, as he figured, there was complaining.

Zetsu and Madara didn't complain. At all. In fact, Tobi was more than excited to share a room with Zetsu, and, much to Deidara's confusion and delight, spent more time with the plant after they had received their room. Madara, like Tobi, spent hours with Zetsu discussing plans or strategies for upcoming missions. Or whatever it was that a 90-year-old posing as a child and schizophrenic cannibal-plant talked about in their free time.

Itachi and Kisame, much to Leader's discontent, did. Or rather, Itachi did. When Pein was explaining the living arrangements, Itachi spoke up saying something along the lines of not feeling comfortable sleeping in those conditions. If by "conditions" he meant "Kisame," then, yes, Leader could understand, but, when pressed, he refused to state the exact condition that discomforted him. Despite Kisame's obvious offense, they ended up in the same room together. Pein also took the liberty of sending the two on solo missions for the next few weeks.

Kakuzu and Hidan, too, whined over the situation. Their complaints were shallow and curt, to be honest-Leader recalled Hidan: "Kakuzu is the most annoying, greedy, ignorant, disbelieving, sinning bastard I have ever met and if you think I'm gonna spend a second with that thing, let alone sleep with it, you've got another thing coming!" Kakuzu replied by throwing their bags on the beds and telling him to stop complaining. The way he said it had a certain charisma, and Pein always laughed when he thought about it.

Sasori and Deidara were the only two who both disagreed with the arrangements-outwardly, at least. Leader was lectured endlessly on how clay and wood can cause mold or AIDS or something else he wasn't listening to, and on why you could not have toxic poisons that could murder everyone in the Akatsuki in the same vicinity as C2 explosives. Pein had said something sharp and they both agreed to compromise. They still got awkward whenever Pein mentioned them "collaborating on a bed."

Leader never knew what happened in those walls beyond that, but the Akatsuki did.

Tobi had smiled at Zetsu before removing his mask. He was still henged into Obito's form under the mask, and asked if he could release the jutsu. Zetsu had laughed and told him that if he didn't, he might just turn into Obito.

Upon trying to release the technique, Madara noticed a sudden decrease in his chakra. It had caught Zetsu's attention, too. "Are you okay?"

It was then that Madara remembered that the technique he was using-how long had it been since he last released it-ten, fifteen years?-had evolved into something like Konoha's Fith Hokage's age jutsu. Madara lied about it and decided to explore it later, when he was alone.

There wasn't a lot in there room. They lived in a cave, after all, so anything luxurious was a waste. What if the base exploded? And, with Kakuzu as treasurer, the hope of anything above necessity would be met with disappointment. As such, Madara plopped down on the bed, flung his hands together and changed his voice.

"I wonder what the stars look like above this rock."

"**We're not that poor. We have a window.**"

"Ha! Kakuzu-sempai would never let us get something as dangerous as that!"

_Welcome back, Tobi, _he thought. Zetsu looked around the room and noticed that Tobi was right. There were crevices or small gaps in the rock, but it just led to another layer of rock in the cave. He forced back a smile. "Heh, you were right. **There are no windows.**"

Hidan slept. A lot. Kakuzu had never noticed before how much he slept until they had a week off of missions. He had always assumed that Hidan was just tired after an assignment, considering how much blood he lost and all, and slept because of that. He was wrong. If Kakuzu had timed it-his watch had stopped working a while ago, and he was neglecting to get it fixed-Hidan probably slept sixteen hours a day, at least!

During one of the very, very limited times he was awake, Kakuzu decided to ask him about it. This seemed to surprise Hidan, who asked him why the hell it was that he cared.

"Curiosity."

"How freakin' bored are you?"

"Enough. Answer."

"Hell, I dunno," he said yawning. "Why do you like money so much? It's just something you never figure out."

"I value money because-" his voice was unheard, though, as Hidan's breaths already filled the room. Kakuzu was thankful that Hidan wasn't a snorer. If he was, Tobi would end up having to be his new partner.

His sleep was more of a nap as he was up before Kakuzu was done filing taxes. Pein had never mentioned whom exactly this money went to, but, as long as it was going, Kakuzu didn't care. Earning money was earning money as loosing money was loosing it.

It wasn't until Hidan looked up that Kakuzu had noticed he was staring at him. Hidan pushed on why his partner was watching him sleep, and Kakuzu didn't hesitate to answer.

"You don't usually wake up this early."

"No duhh. Why the hell do you think I sleep so much?"

"'It's just something you never figure out,' " he quoted.

Hidan's voice was slurred from lack of sleep-despite his pattern being an abundancy by normal comparison. He tried to reply, failed, and collapsed back into the covers. Kakuzu figured that he must be pretty comfortable with his body let himself sleep with nothing but a pair of loose black pants and a lightly tied bandage belt to [barely] hold them up.

Kisame was never the kind of person to start a conversation as Itachi was never the kind to get involved with one. Their first few months in the room were wordless. Kisame would bring up a meaningless topic like the weather or missions. Itachi would give a curt reply, and then loose interest. Most dialogues fell short and died in that was. There was nothing to talk about.

"Tell me about your family."

"What's there to say?"

"A lot. Most people don't go off the wire and kill their whole clan, you know."

Itachi didn't respond. "To harsh? Sorry, it's just-"

"For no reason. Just something shallow and selfish."

Kisame pushed for more detail, and reluctantly got it. Itachi had slaughtered his family for two reasons: the first to test his power, and the second for revenge against them making him murder his best friend and love interest. Revenge and power. Shallow reasons. "Why do you think it is that people are like that?" Itachi asked.

"Hm? Your just born that way, I guess. Like how some people have blond hair or green eyes."

Itachi stared transfixed at him, as though looking into the depths of his words. "It's not genetic."

"It's not, but people are born that way."

"Killers?"

Kisame paused to think, and finally said: "Some people are born to be killers. The others are born to be killed."

"A killer can be murdered."

"Most people are both."

From then on, they spoke extensively about weather or the missions they had been assigned. Kisame never learned more about Itachi's family.

Sasori had never realized how smart Deidara was until he had bunked with him.

In battle, Deidara seemed unprepared and fought without a definite plan-something that bugged Sasori to no extent. There was more to his fighting style than appeared, Sasori learned.

Each of Deidara's bombs possessed certain traits which altered the way it attacked. Smaller ones like birds or bats moved quickly, but the explosions weren't as damaging whereas pigs or other fat beasts could blow up fifty times the animal they represented. And it got more complicated; Deidara's jutsu wasn't limited to just clay animals.

The jutsu ("Katsu") not only created explosives, but also enlarged whatever shape was made with the clay based on how much chakra was excerpted. Sasori had also never noticed how much chakra Deidara had.

As such, Deidara was able to make static shelters, trees, rocks, rivers, and even mountains if he had enough chakra. The portable shelters became one of the few things Sasori liked about Deidara's "art."

So Pein figured that while his organization was not the most orthodox on the planet, it was one of the most interesting. His members all had quirks and ideas that conflicted with one another yet, in that they all shared one thing in common: a mutual tolerance and unannounced liking for one another. _Just like a family,_ and, though Pein never told anyone this observation, it always lingered in the back of their minds . . . like a vase of flowers, unnoticed but never unappreciated.


End file.
